


The Contract

by theblasphemouscontessa



Series: Best Friend Rights and Responsibilities [1]
Category: Fantastic Four, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Best Friend Contract, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Including make out in front of Crystal, M/M, Peter and Johnny are Best Frieds for Life and would do anything for each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 18:00:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5058355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblasphemouscontessa/pseuds/theblasphemouscontessa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter and Johnny have been best friends in some form since they were teenagers. Long lived relationships of this kind don't survive without a few rules and regulations. 15 of them to be exact.</p><p>Inspired by Mindy Kaling's Rights and Responsibilities of Friendship. But tweaked to our boys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Contract

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Mindy Kaling's Rights and Responsibilities of Friendship. But tweaked to our boys.
> 
> I would like to blame traincat and swingsetindecember for making me ship this in the first place.

**1.** **I can borrow all your clothes. And your shower**.

Crime fighting is stinky work. If I get thrown into a sewer and your place is closer than mine, I reserve the right to let myself in and shower. And also help myself to the contents of your closet. I’m not putting back on those same clothes.

**2\. We sleep in the same bed.**

You are a literal human space heater. If we are trapped in an ice dimension, or New Jersey overnight we are sleeping as close together as possible.

**3\. I must be 100 percent honest about how you look, but gentle.**

We actually don’t need to be gentle. We both get photographed a lot. We cannot afford to be seen looking less than our best.

**4\. I can ditch you, within reason**

If there is a hot chick, or dude, or whatever, I am allowed to ditch you to go hang out with them. But the minute you need me to team up for crime fighting purposes I’m there. And maybe for not crime fighting purposes.

**5\. I will take care of your family if you die.**

I can’t even write about this, it’s too sad. But yes, I will do that.

**6\. I will nurse you back to health.**

If you get thrown into a brick wall, or the Hudson, or an alternate dimension where I don’t exist I do so solemnly sweat to break the space-time continuum to bring you back. And then dress your wounds.

**7\. Your bad guys are my bad guys.**

Even if your supervillains are frankly ridiculous, I promise to pummel them along side you. But you get to decide when you need to do it alone. I will allow this within reason. You are not allowed to get yourself killed trying to be a lone wolf. Again.

 **8\. I will keep your favorite junk food at my place**.

You need to eat more. And as disgusting as your diet is I will enable you. To a point. You need to eat a vegetable every now and then.

**9\. I will try to like your girlfriend or boyfriend or non-human lover that does not fit our understanding of sex or gender, or whatever five times.**

This is a fair number of times to hang out with them and withhold judgement.

**10\. If you’re depressed, I will be there for you.**

I know you are prone to bouts of drama and self loathing. And when that happens I promise to show up with your disgusting favorite snacks and generally not let you wallow.

**11\. I will hate and re-like people for you.**

But you can’t get mad if I can’t keep track. Harry? Don’t we hate him? No, we love him. Okay, okay. Sorry.

**12\. It is okay to take me for granted.**

I know when you fall in love with someone that you will completely forget about me. That hurts my feelings, but is okay. Please try to remember to text me, if you can.

**13\. No two people are better than us.**

We fucking rock. No one can beat us.

**14\. When I’m sad or upset and I ask to see your butt, you have to show me.**

No matter what.

**15\. I will pretend to be madly in love with you when we run into your ex.**

Or if you don’t have a date to wedding. But I get decide how we got together and you have to go along with it. No matter how ridiculous.


End file.
